A Visceral Reminder

Quest for an Equal Education

2009-11-17T08:45:00.000-08:00

Education without Coercion. Is it possible?

2009-01-16T20:53:00.000-08:00

Perhaps a better title would be "Parenting without Coercion. Is it Possible?" But I have been thinking about it in the context of education, so I will stick to that for now.

Recently I have been reading about different early childhood education ideas/ philosophies. There are so many. The fundamental question I feel the need to answer before moving forward with any choices is this, "Is coercion a viable tool in the educating of children?" From my reading, there seem to be a range of ideas whose extremes may be summed up thus:

1) No. Coercion is never appropriate. It will kill the love of learning/joy of discovery. All learning should be child-led and nothing should be imposed upon the child that they are not interested in learning about.

OR

2) Yes. Children will never learn all the things that they need to know if they are not formally and properly taught these lessons. Therefore as parents/ educators, it is our responsibility to drill into them the things they will need to know.*

So, the question is, Is it possible to get your child to learn these things without the use of coercion? I know that formal school settings rely on coercion as both a classroom management (behavior) technique and a way to motivate students to complete assignments, therefore presumably learning the material. (For the purpose of this discussion, we will assume it works.) Consequences for non-compliance are getting spoken to privately, getting a note sent home to parents, going to the principal' office, and perhaps even public reprimand.

At the opposite extreme is "Radical Unschooling," which is sometimes accompanied by a "consentual living" approach to life. From what I can make of it, the idea is that children will learn what they need to know just by living. No formal education/ teaching is necessary for children to aquire the skills and knowledge necessary to be productive people. At a deeper level is the idea that no one should be forced to do anything they aren't ready to do, so forcing a child to sit down learn something is wrong. They trust that the child's own natural curiousity will kick in and he will want to learn [to read, multiplication tables, world history, etc.] in his own time.

The first extreme might produce a child who learns only for praise or who has completely shut down to any learning because the joy has been taken out of it for him. The second extreme might produce a child with little self-discipline and lacking in the skills or knowledge that he never had an interest in aquiring. So where is the middle ground?

After discussions with my pediatrician, I am convinced that children do not have enough perspective or self-regulating ability to know that it is not good for them to watch TV all day or eat Snickers bars for breakfast. Some limits are necessary, an therefore some coercion is necessary to ensure basic health and safety. But how much should be our efforts as parents or educators to provide opportunities for learning that are fun and engaging and how much should be setting the standard or expectation that the child will learn X, and using coercion to force the child to comply? Is there a percentage ratio? How do you know which skills or ideas require which method to learn?

______________________________________________________

*Note: Different educational philosophies think different things are essential. For my purposes I will use these criteria for early childhood education: basic social manners, a sense of self-assuredness (security?), respect for others and their possessions, how to be part of a group, letter and number recognition, basic counting, and phonics. For later elementary, I think the following are essential: the 3Rs, history of civilization, general science concepts and the scientific method, the opportunity to appreciate and make art and music.

This Spoke to Me

2008-12-03T21:41:00.000-08:00

It was the poem for tonight on NPR's The Writers Almanac:

Piano
by Patrick Phillips

Touched by your goodness, I am like
that grand piano we found one night on Willoughby
that someone had smashed and somehow
heaved through an open window.

And you might think by this I mean I'm broken
or abandoned, or unloved. Truth is, I don't
know exactly what I am, any more
than the wreckage in the alley knows
it's a piano, filling with trash and yellow leaves.

Maybe I'm all that's left of what I was.
But touching me, I know, you are the good
breeze blowing across its rusted strings.

What would you call that feeling when the wood,
even with its cracked harp, starts to sing?

"Piano" by Patrick Phillips, from Boy. © The University of Georgia Press, 2008.

Love and Power

2008-10-29T22:25:00.000-07:00

Now a lot of us are preachers, and all of us have our moral convictions and concerns, and so often have problems with power. There is nothing wrong with power if power is used correctly. You see, what happened is that some of our philosophers got off base. And one of the great problems of history is that the concepts of love and power have usually been constrasted as opposites—polar opposites—so that love is identified with a resignation of power, and power with a denial of love.

It was this misinterpretation that caused Nietzsche, who was a philosopher of the will to power, to reject the Christian concept of love. It was this same misinterpretation which induced Christian theologians to reject the Nietzschean philosophy of the will to power in the name of the Christian idea of love. Now, we've got to get this thing right. What is needed is a realization that power without love is reckless and abusive, and love without power is sentimental and anemic. Power at its best is love implementing the demands of justice, and justice at its best is power correcting everything that stands against love.

From The Southern Christian Leadership Conference Presidential Address
By Reverand Martin Luther King, Jr., 16 August 1967

(GOBAMA!)

Remember This?

2008-09-03T22:08:00.000-07:00

I do! But where from? Mr. Rodgers?

How to Talk to New Parents

2008-08-31T13:19:00.001-07:00

Thank You, Michelle!

2008-08-25T23:10:00.000-07:00

Thank you, Michelle, for reminding us what this country has the potential to be. Thank you for holding out hope that the American Dream lives on and is attainable if you are willing to work for your part of it. Thank you for being that voice of hope that change is possible, that we can work to change the status quo and transform America into what we know our country should be.

The problems you talked about tonight are MY problems. *I* could not find a job after the birth of my daughter. *I* am struggling to know where we will be able to afford housing while living on one income. *I* am worried that if my husband changes jobs we will be without health care coverage. *I* am worried how I will afford an excellent education for my daughter, starting with pre-school.

But your mere presence on that stage tonight gives me HOPE. That a woman of color can give the opening speech to the DNC lifts my spirits and reminds me that CHANGE IS POSSIBLE because it has happened before. It was not that long ago that you, a woman and a person of color, would have been the last person to stand on that stage. It renews my faith in America that you delivered this opening address during the week in which we remember the hard won right to vote for women and Rev. Dr. King's "I Have a Dream." Your mere presence on that stage tonight is VICTORY! Thank You, Suffragists! Thank You, Dr. King! Thank You, Michelle Obama!

All my prayers go with your husband that he may win for us, for me and my family, the opportunity for CHANGE!

Another Cool Music Video for the LOs

2008-08-22T16:12:00.000-07:00

I Like Elephants!

2008-08-21T20:06:00.001-07:00

Two posts in one day is almost unheard of for me, but I just found this on youtube and I am so taken by it that I had to share. I recommend watching it in full screen. The animation actually holds up really well.

We Have Graduated...

2008-08-21T10:49:00.000-07:00

to TABLE FOOD! Yes that's right folks, Baby ate a whole piece of TOAST for breakfast. No more strained plums and oatmeal for her! Gimme sump 'um I can sink all four uh my teef into!

Are You Ever Sick of Yourself?

2008-07-26T13:41:00.001-07:00

Lately I have grown tired of my own repeated failings and the judgemental thoughts that enter my head which are neither helpful for edifying to me nor the situations about which I am having them. I have become increasingly aware of my own self-righteousness and the feelings of noble suffering with which I prop up my raging but broken ego. I am sick of myself. Sick of wrestling the same demons. I want to be like the dead man who has neither judgement for his brother nor need for the praise of others.

Baby Turns ONE!

2008-05-25T18:15:00.000-07:00

So she is almost one. We had a little party for her, ladybug themed. She wore this little outfit. Here she is after going down the slide for the first time with Nana. happy Birthday, Baby!

Musings of a Motherless Child: A Prayer of St. Nicholas of Zhicha#links

2008-04-20T15:11:00.000-07:00

Musings of a Motherless Child: A Prayer of St. Nicholas of Zhicha#links

Wash Pod ...aka Plastic Trash Can or Paint Bucket

2008-02-28T13:20:00.001-08:00

When I first saw this on the Right Start website, I thought the mom was washing the baby in a small plastic trash can you use in the bathroom.

Upon closer examination, it appears that this is indeed the equivalent of a small platic trash can that you are supposed to spend $25 to use because your own plastic trash can is clearly not suitable for washing your baby.
You need theirs! You can read all about it here: http://www.rightstart.com/global/store/product~item~7239.html

A Place I'd Like to Go

2008-02-05T15:07:00.000-08:00

Check out the website for this coffeehouse/ playgroup called JavaMama near San Diego. Talk about a great marketing plan: they have an indoor play area and on-site "supervisors" watching the kids play. (No, you can't just drop off your child and leave... ) But it costs $2.50 for the first child and each add'l is $1.00 for 2 hours of monitored/ supervised play while mom (or dad) reads a book nearby in the cafe. Now, if their coffee is any good, I would actually consdier making the 2 hour drive from OC to go see this place! Anyone wanna carpool?

www.javamama.com

A Happy Hamper

2008-01-29T15:07:00.001-08:00

Politically Correct Potty Training

2007-11-06T10:20:00.000-08:00

Introducing the Anatomically Correct Potty Training Doll designed to help you potty train your child in a gender specific and culturally sensitive way.

Not only can you get this doll in boy or girl model, but is also comes in different ethnicities. The above photo is the caucasian version.

African American

Asian

Latin

According to the website that is selling them:(http://www.mindfultoys.com/potrto.html)

"A potty training doll that has the same genitals and skin color as your child can assist you with this developmental stage. Kids love playing 'pretend potty-time' with their potty buddy."

Somehow I seriously doubt that either of those claims are true, but let us give them the benefit of the doubt and explore why this anatomically correct doll in the appropriate ethnic version might help your child potty train:

1) Boys stand and girls sit? True, boys eventually stand, but most moms I know teach boys just learning to sit in order to not have to scrub the walls on a daily basis. (And all these boy dolls are sitting.)

2) Different ethinicities go potty in different ways? While we might have different preferences for the way it goes in (different ethnic foods), it all comes out the same way!

3) All of us who were potty trained WITHOUT the aid of this doll frequently wet or soil ourselves? Sorry, I can't say I feel at a loss for not having had this doll way back when.

Any other ideas?

Peas & Poop

2007-10-29T12:40:00.000-07:00

So today I decided to try feeding her something other than formula. Ped said to wait til she was hungry and lead off with a veggie (apparently fruits are too sweet and if they taste them first, they won't eat veggies. Not sure I buy that but in true first-time-mom fashion, I follow doc's orders rather than strike out on my own.)

So I open a tiny jar of Earth's Best Organic Peas. And she spit them out. I tried 5 spoonfuls, all of which ended up on the bib, but that's fine, I was prepared for that. So I made a bottle and gave her the much beloved Similac. Suck, suck suck. Then I smelled it. Poop. So stop feeding to change diaper. And there they were, in the diaper, the same peas I had just been feeding her? Same color, texture, consistency. Different smell.

I wonder if Earth's Best knows their peas look like poop?

The Epileptic Cow

2007-10-22T13:21:00.000-07:00

I just have to marvel that someone actually gets paid to think these things up. According to the box, your child is supposed to giggle and laugh with delight. Mine seemed unimpressed. But it comes in an elephant model and a pig model; maybe she would like them better.

The HairClub for Babies

2007-10-22T10:03:00.000-07:00

Babies,

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Browse our gallery of satisfied custormers and see how the HairClub for Babies can help you too!

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"Ooooh, I have a Cool Book!"

2007-10-16T19:53:00.000-07:00

So I asked B if he might clean up the floor area in front of his bookcase as it was 3 layers deep in books, magazines and other literary materials. He graciously complied with my request and somewhere through the second layer he exclaims, "Ooooh, I have a cool book!" I laughed out loud, but unfortunately was not quick-witted enough to come back with, "Well, if that is the one you really like, does that mean we can get rid of all the others?" Alas, I fear I am doomed to only see the floor 4 times a year. (Good thing he has so many other wonderful qualities.)

Baby Personals

2007-10-02T11:11:00.000-07:00

Do you feel your inner saliva running down your chin? Do you desire to spend half the day with your fist in your mouth? Do you cry when they both won't fit at the same time?

Then text, email, or IM me at dooling4u@teething.com!

Baby Einstein???

2007-10-02T10:59:00.000-07:00

So here she is reading a book...

Or so it would appear...

I think what she is really doing is studying the plaid pattern on seat fabric!

Happy Birthday to Me!

2007-09-28T01:21:00.001-07:00

I had a nice dinner out with B Monday night and a good cookie/ cake thing with some friends tonight, so it was kinda a birthday week. That's the end of the celebrations, so now its official. I'm 32. Wow.

Are we more holy if we choose the suffering?

2007-09-21T10:45:00.000-07:00

It was a loaded issue that ignited my internal debate, which I do not wish to make the subject of this post, so I won't. I will put it in these terms:

If something that is, in general, good, and that the Church reinforces as good and a blessing, causes an individual person struggle and strife, is that individual supposed to choose it despite the strife? Are we commanded to choose the suffering/ hardship for the sake of the refinement that will happen to us as a result?

Some suffering will come to us by circumstance, despite our choices. It is more or less outside of our control. No one chooses to be stricken with cancer, but if someone is injured while racing motorcycles, we might argue they chose to engage in activities that increased their risk for suffering. (I am NOT arguing that they therefore deserved it; just that their choices played a role in that instance/ experience of suffering.)

Suffering can be a vehicle of redemption. Christ is imaged as the suffering servant, as are many of the OT prophets. But in these instances, it is the suffering of one (Christ, prophets) that leads to the salvation of others (followers of Christ, people of Israel).

But are you saved by your own suffering? In the "working out of our salvation," are we commanded to choose the suffering because of it's redemptive potential? Or are we merely charged with embracing the suffering that comes to us, despite our best efforts to avoid it? Truly, I do not think I can bring myself to choose the suffering.

I'd be interested in your thoughts, via comment or email.

Where the Wild Things Are

2007-09-21T09:26:00.000-07:00

Lest anyone (ok, really you, S, I think you are the only one who reads this...) think that I never have anything nice to say and stop reading, I wanted to post this picture of Mine (on the left) and her cousin Elizabeth (right) from B's animal dress-up b-day party. It was a lot of fun. Kudos to B for having the idea!

This is Crass...

2007-09-21T00:09:00.000-07:00

but so am I.

Found this T-shirt design on line, here. http://www.onehorseshy.com/

Today is Shit

2007-09-18T11:03:00.000-07:00

Today is Shit and I am SO sick of poop and spit up and dirty laundry that is stained and doesn't come clean and dirty carpets and dirty sinks and dirty counters and dirty bathrooms. And layers of dust and grime. I feel like everything around me is filthy. I hate it.

I hate having no space and having to move 5 things just to do basic chores like sort/ fold laundry or load/ empty the dishwasher. (Thank you God for my dishwasher!! Note that I am not complaining about my dirty dishes.)

I want a house, a maid, a babysitter, a Mazda 3 and a JOB!!!!

My Baby Has B.O.!!!

2007-09-13T09:47:00.000-07:00

I didn't think it was possible, but, *sniff sniff* YUP! She stinks! (And not poopy smell emanating from the diaper region; no, this is ripe, sweaty smell from the upper body regions!) Bath Time for Bonzo!!!

Small Goals

2007-09-07T12:52:00.000-07:00

I found this poem/ prose by a woman named Maya Stein posted on her blog,
"One Paragraph at a Time." She seems to have a blog full of prose,
but this was by far my favorite. Hope you enjoy.

Small Goals
by Maya Stein

a cup of tea with cream & sugar, quietly,
because it is just morning and no one
is demanding anything of you, and you don't
yet need to demand anything of yourself.

pillows behind your back, at the desk,
because it shouldn't be so hard to sit still.

pet the dog, put your cheek to his cheek, say hello
in a higher, sing-song register, because even this
brief touch brings you back to a place absent of toughness,
and because when he is being held close and cooed at,
the dog will lie at your feet for hours, calm and near-sleeping.

moisturize, have lunch, put on a clean shirt, empty
and refill the dishwasher, because you need to take care,
because the body needs to be restored,
because it is good to make time for tasks that force
an alignment with order, and because there is no easier purpose
than a clearing off of the dusty messes, the small eruptions of mail,
whatever gnatty distraction is in the way of getting somewhere else.

let go of the argument, its bruising remainder, its strangeness
and alarm, because when you keep it flattened to your chest
for too long you can't breathe, and because there is a whole
day outside just waiting to be plunged into,
ripe and forgiving and opulent with love.

ice water.
as little driving as possible.
the guitar for even five minutes.
sunscreen on that place on your shoulders you never get to.
a walk somewhere close. easy, even steps.
the smell of late summer. that hum of bees.
a view that stretches to another zip code.
close your eyes.
close your eyes.
close your eyes.
now open.

http://papayamaya.blogspot.com/

Who's Your Daddy?!?!

2007-09-06T00:17:00.000-07:00

Today (ok, actually yesterday because it is after midnight) was a really rough day for me. I have a cold and feel lousy... And so does baby! So she was happy for about 2 hours this morning (when I took those pics of her with toys) and after that, when she was awake, she was screaming her head off! She actually reached a new level in upset-ness; she made kind of a wheezing sound at the end of some of her wales, I think because she hadn't breathed and was running out of air. But anyway. when B came home, I handed over HIS baby and said, "You're turn!" He is so good with her that after about a half an hour, this is was the scene:

A Little Competition Never Hurt Anyone...

2007-09-05T08:36:00.000-07:00

So yesterday B's sister came over with her mom and 3 of the 4 kids to go swimming. The baby of their family (named Elizabeth) is exactly 1 month and 2 days older than mine. I was impressed by all the "interesting" things that this 4 month old can do (that mine can't) such as roll over (back ---> front) and lay on her stomach, reach for toys, chew on them, etc. To date, mine has shown little to no interest in toys and cries whenever placed on her stomach. "No 'tummy time' for me," she says. I was asking when Elizabeth started doing this stuff, because I think it would make life with mine a lot more interesting. So today, I put her in her walker and put toys in front of her, like I did yesterday and the day before and the day before, but TODAY, she actually reached for them, and succeeded!

See...

The Sometimes Reluctant Mother

2007-08-31T09:59:00.000-07:00

So I have been really struggling with my new status of SAHM (stay at home mom). This is the end of B's second week back at work, and while it was much better than the misery of last week, I still did not take a lot of joy in the care of my charge. I have been feeling rather desperate to get back to work, that is, a job. Then last night I had a rather jarring conversation that made me realize what a privilege it is not to HAVE to work. A friend's situation (see previous post) basically made me realize how good I have it. Despite the fact that I don't rejoice at changing diapers and warming bottles and going for hours with no adult conversation (I am an extrovert), I have the privilege (?!?) of being able to take care of my own baby. I don't HAVE TO turn her over to someone else. This is probably not a newsflash to anyone else but me. It reminded me that there is NO feeling worse than feeling like you have no choices, and I have choices. I should be grateful for that.

Houston, We Have a Problem...

2007-08-30T23:55:00.000-07:00

There is something seriously wrong when mothers are forced to leave their babies at daycare to go to work, and the job they will be doing requires less skill (and is way less important to the heath of our society) than taking care of a baby. Leaving your baby to do something productive I can understand- there are days it appeals to me- You are going to school to better yourself, you are a doctor or a teacher or a nurse and your job helps people and contributes good things to society, or maybe you are even a lowly government worker, but you believe that you make a difference in the functioning of society by trying to bring integrity and intelligence to government (that would be me)-- I can understand choosing to put your kid in daycare to work these jobs, especially if you need the money. But for a job like fry cook or dog walker, which have little societal value (This is my blog, so I get to have that opinion and publish it) I cannot understand WHY that is acceptable just so we can check off a box on a form that so-and-so has fulfilled their welfare-to-work requirement. And lets not get started discussing how it is actually costing the government MORE to pay the for the daycare AND the welfare benefits than it would cost to just pay the welfare benefits and let the woman take care of her own baby! Mr. Obama, can we fix this?

Why I like Barack:

2007-08-24T16:52:00.000-07:00

These are some paragraphs from the “Faith” chapter of Obama's book, __The Audacity of Hope__. I think his argument it is the best answer to the question: "How can you be a Christian and a Moral Liberal at the same time?" This is a question I have never been able to explain to my own satisfaction despite my convictions that abortion must remain legal so that women are not forced to seek them in back alleys and that gay "marriage"/ civil unions are not an abomination before God; they are a way to extend health insurance benefits and next-of-kin privileges to important people in the lives of gay people. Anyway, this is the answer I wish I had given when having this discussion in the past.

"Surely, secularists are wrong when they ask believers to leave their religion at the door before entering the public square; Frederick Douglass, Abraham Lincoln, William Jennings Bryan, Dorothy Day, Martin Luther King Jr.-- indeed, the majority of great reformers in American history-- not only were motivated by faith, but repeatedly used religious language to argue their causes. To say that men and women should not inject their ‘personal morality’ into public policy debates is a practical absurdity; our law is by definition a codification of morality, much of it grounded in the Judeo-Christian tradition.

"What our deliberative, pluralistic democracy does demand is that the religiously motivated translate their concerns into universal, rather than religion-specific values. It requires that their proposals must be subject to argument and amenable to reason. If I am opposed to abortion for religious reasons and seek to pass a law banning the practice, I cannot simply point to the teachings of my church or invoke God’s will and expect that argument to carry the day. If I want others to listen to me, then I must explain why abortion violates some principle that is accessible to people of all faiths including those of no faith at all.

"At some fundamental level, religion does not allow for compromise. It insists on the impossible. If God has spoken, then followers are expected to live up to God’s edicts, regardless of the consequences. To base one’s life on such uncompromising commitments may be sublime; to base our policy making on such commitments would be a dangerous thing. ...God does not reveal Himself or his angels to all of us in a single moment. [We do not all hear and see the same things, true as those things may be.] So the best we can do is to act in accordance with those things that are possible for all of us to know, understanding that a part of what we know to be true-- as individuals or as communities of faith-- will be true for us alone.

Visceral Reminders

2007-08-22T11:58:00.000-07:00

Coffee flowers: I like espresso with steamed milk in the AM. Beniy draws a flower in it because I like it. It is a viseral reminder that he loves me.

Crying baby: My baby cries A LOT some days and it really grates on me. I find it hard to act loving to a screaming, squirming blob. It is a visceral reminder that I have no patience and an overblown sense of entitlement not to be screamed at, even by someone who has no other way to communicate.